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In
Defense of
Redeeming
Social
Hypocrisy?
Maybe they should just explain, but that
might break the spell
!
Either stand up for yourself, living openly, or else
guard your privacy. To chose neither strategy, amounts
to helpless vulnerability. Taking social expectations in
good faith and at face-value, seeking therein
meaning
and
value
in life, is the masochistic willful naivety of anomie
and desperate
heteronomy.
For it is not true virtue of any kind, but appearances,
reputation, entirely a social reality and not an
ontology
at all, that are ever the actual concern of propriety,
but the Absurd shadow of
values
lost to antiquity, in loyally guarding what remains, the
dreary social order of sheer
heteronomy.
Such is social
hypocrisy,
an unspoken understanding
taboo
from open discourse. And beware: for social
hypocrisy,
as any other, ranges from the venial to the deadly.
Redeeming
Social
Hypocrisy
is when we find ourselves more tolerant
than we pretend to be.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: “The
world is his, who can see through its pretension.”
And isn't life just an ongoing
Comedy
of
Manners? It is,
if you are lucky. And if you really want to know where
you stand, then learn to dance upon quicksand! Toadying
painstaking attention to rules in detail, is often an
obsequious and reviled failed gambit of approval
seeking, ultimately no more key to popularity than
random hostility.
Moralism frequently comes into
conflict
with empathy. A sensibility and
sensitivity of the most vexing and confusing
ambiguity
so thick with
subtext,
not decisive moral outrage, however picayune, has long
been key to advanced civilization:
Originating in days of yore from the flower of High
Chivalry and the Code of Courtly
Love, the upright way of going about all such infidelity
that is ostensibly reviled and forbidden, such is the
saving grace of redeeming social
hypocrisy,
which is when we find ourselves more tolerant than we
pretend to be, and wherein witch hunts and crackdowns
where not always deemed to be in such good form after
all. For ages many communities have given mere lip
service to prudery and intolerance, while actually never
making good whatever pro forma token threats against
their neighbors. Hypocritically tolerant, hypocritically
permissive. In a word:
chivalrous. But redeeming from what?
Why, to this very day, from the most dangerous and
deeply dishonest of deadly
hypocrisies and evils of repression and hysteria,
namely bullying in all
of its forms: rampant exploitation,
malicious gossip,
Reactionary self serving
cockblocking and
cronyistic
scapegoating, indeed
sexual
harassment
enabled by faux fragile serial false accusation, even
organized group
stalking, all the long sociopathic norms of
civilization. Indeed, possessive dominance and control
are all too often normative. But are they really normal?
And by who's toxic norms?
As such regressive attitudes as racism and anti-gay
bigotry fall from favor and are relaxed within a
society, it may even become routine to discretely warn
the parties in legally forbidden assignations before the
police respond. Many people make a token fuss, at, for
another example, such things as budding
May/December romance, but in unstated deference to
the superiority of
Empirical
Case Based
Reasoning
over rules based reasoning, and in tolerance for
ambiguity
and sense of proportion that is hallmark of maturity, as
a prevailing psychological and sociological coping
process with
ambivalence,
thus reconcile to the fait accompli once they gain
closer acquaintance and
grow
to
respect
those involved. Many people may discover themselves more
tolerant than they imagine themselves. Indeed, exactly
such dawning acceptance is hardly uncommon.
That is
why, in such deadly
hypocrisy,
it is typically the outcast ostracized and unknown, who
bears the brunt for real or imagined transgression,
looming monstrous or just inflatedly picayune and
trivial. But the awkward lone vulture is largely a
misleading myth and stereotype. And meanwhile, in
deadliest
hypocrisy,
bullies, chameleonic
scapegoating
cronies that they
are, always circle the wagons about their own,
especially in protection and concealment of the very
worst, all manner of the most malevolent of actual
predators, even violent and criminal. It isn't just
pedophile
priests!
No
matter how socially inept you are, there is always
someone worse precisely because they think they're so
much better. The latter never entertain any notion of
how out of touch and how out of step they are, co
validating and reinforcing, living as they typically do,
so cult-like and self righteously certain and
persecutory, in the proverbial echo chamber. The most
destructive bullying,
hypocritically
moralistic and self serving
all at once, is nevertheless indeed all the more highly
socially skilled, yet so abysmally graceless no less.
Closed social circles, so unwelcoming of outsiders,
encourage courtship only via social climbing rather than
direct social interaction. Private life is their most
public concern. The sensitivity and sensibility of true
social grace remains predicated upon a certain tolerance
for
ambiguity
that is hallmark of maturity,
instead of simplistic
black
and white thinking. -Traveling the middle road of
Siddhartha, moderation in all things including
moderation itself! Not
polarizational
extremes of Manichean black or white thinking. Even the
most Reactionary prudery and outrage can be well
moderated by the proverbial grain of salt. For example,
men may rail at others: Are you looking at my cousin's
girl friend? -But really only in token because they
think that they are supposed to, and then quickly forget
all about it. Even the routine preservation of
boundaries need not be acrimonious or menacing, for
those who have better ways of defining themselves.
Thankfully, not everyone is all that
moralistically serious and
pigheaded as arc the one hopes apocryphal gun toting
fathers of pretty girls. Nor do all communities so
blithely support as entirely unremarkable, the jealous
rages and violence typical of the breed. Not all of us
are quite so blithely angry, artless and controlling.
Indeed,
any hot button taboo,
shall we say, of
May/December
romance, remains among the most prevailing entrenched of
intolerance in part because the very real concerns of
the danger of abusive exploitation of the most
vulnerability, are not to be dismissed. And such
misgivings are so readily played upon by the Reaction.
Competing sensibilities upon the propriety of
May/December romance remain
polarizational. Many are
Moralistically
scandalized, and thence presume to represent some
pervasive consensus. Others defer to the law of the land
as cut and dry, quite surprised that anyone in this day
and age would ever demand more. Only those who actually
campaign to lower age of consent at all, even perceive
themselves in any
controversy,
because only they self identify and remain aware that
they form a purposeful opposition. Amid all the most
heated and embattled culture war, there seems precious
little cognizance and even less curiosity regarding
actual prevailing practice: the more nuanced, subtle,
complex and
chivalrous redeeming social
hypocrisy
and how people actually conduct private life, more
tollerant than we pretend to be, and often even in open
secret. -Not to speak of the most flagrant impunity for
bullying
and sexual
harassment
on the one hand, and concomitant
scapegoating
on the other.
Neither desire nor compatibility are actually restricted
within age groups, any more than within
regional ethnogenetics
("
race")
or heterosexually in every case.
The often disturbing truth of all of this is attested
time and again, and variously explained away
mythologically. But as the saying goes: The heart wants
what the heart wants. From the onset of puberty onwards,
a degree of opportunistic "harmless" dalliance with non
related elders, has long been pretext for plausible
deniability and
sublimation
worn ever more thin, of howsoever at all less rarified
motivation.
Far from isolating the vulnerable and demonizing
strangers, a normal family actually
chivalrously
serves indeed as a buffer and a conduit for what ought
to be so unseemly. The young may learn and fall back on
the same reserve and coquetry, quite without
supervision, as they gradually assimilate into the adult
world. For what sort of entry into adulthood
hysterically avoids contact with adults of whatever
erotically suitable gender and orientation? There are no
dire rules, only time honored guidelines, all best
spiced with that proverbial grain of salt, the lid on
the proverbial pressure cooker metaphorically never
quite battened down. The challenge to social aptitudes
can be confusing, tantalizing jet intimidating, neither
permissive nor repressed, but of mediation and
moderation, the
ambivalence
of rules if not actually meant to be broken, than
anything less than inviolate in real life.
More
simple, forceful and explicit prohibitions may be
arguably more appropriate for interventions in reform of
societies wherein children are subject to arranged
marriages and the whims of an elder partner, and consent
is nigh inconceivable. But historical arranged plural
marriage in Utah is very different from trendy group
marriages in San Francisco. Context is everything.
Marshall
Brickman expresses blithe prevailing prejudice in
opining that: "Open marriage is nature's way of
telling you that you need a divorce!" How then must
we account for all the seemingly loving and successful
open marriages? People often make their most important
decisions
with their heart
but only then rationalize intellectually.
True openness can be so disturbing. Most people remain
unready to embrace the truth directly, and are quite
practiced in simply ignoring
Empirical
experience and observation, their own or gathered
indirectly. Nevertheless, in the ribald jape of famous
comedian Bob Hope: "I haven't known any "open"
marriages - but quite a few have been slightly ajar!"
A devout Christian online, recommended his own technique
for iron clad and treasured exclusive fidelity in the
most shocking Draconian avoidance of all occasion of
sin. Any time he stumbled into the warmth of a budding
friendship
with a female coworker, he would abruptly cut sever all
contact! Barking mad and self defeating, you say? It
remains that
ambivalence
is the norm: a norm of haphazard
moral back sliding and fornication, even while
paradoxically only doing what is deemed right and good
in a free country. The masses remain unshakable and
steadfast in belief that jealousy is immutably natural
rather than at all cultural and learned, indeed
generally unquestioning of the function of jealousy in
maintaining prevailing social order, accepting jealousy
driven punishment and
reward systems
as moral and pro-social
in order Moralistically to
excuse
actingout
out whatever their own impulses of jealous rage into
destructive hostility, but also in the moderation of
blithely undermining that very institution.
Indeed, are most people ready to admit that quite
simply, they are not willing to sacrifice all other
values
of freedom, equality among peers,
autonomy
and democracy with roots in chivalry,
in tradeoff for the purity and certainty of rock solid
iron clad exclusive marital fidelity? That quite simply,
ever risking the fall from grace, and seeking
forgiveness afterwards and patching things up again, is
part of the
normalization of deviance?
And is all of that really the worst outcome? Because,
after all, clearly, most people would never
freely
choose
otherwise.
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